Side note

Pausing yesterday to view the demise of my determination, I find it notable that Chocolate was not the most substantial food craving while trying to cleanse. It was definitely on the list, but the craving seemed to be across all food groups. I make note of this simply because I am so surprised. I wonder.... is the pull of chocolate not the pull of the obsessed but rather the a simple tantalizing thrill of the tempted? A simple thrill is surely much easier to overcome than an obsession.

Will the realization of this assist in the next try for cleansing of body and mind?

Day 4... Oh no!

It is embarrassing to admit total failure, but I have been completely off program for almost a full 24 hours. Ever heard of someone falling off the ladder? I utterly fell off and am still rolling.

It all started when I ate evil BREAD STIXs last night with the missionaries. Oh, they were sooo good. Later I cooked up bacon for the BLT's my girls would eat tomorrow on their hike. Rationalization and me are terrific pals. There was so much extra bacon (bread stix or what ever), and I didn't want it to go to waste. I was being frugal to eat the extra 10 slices. (yes, I did inhale every one). With my entire family off on a Daddy - Daughter backpack trip, I partied it up with a trip to Baskin Robbins for my all time favorite Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. It didn't taste near as amazing as it usually does. Every spoonful brought guilty feelings for not sticking to my plan.

Putting rationalization aside, (but not my powdered donuts) do I give up or try again? Try again.

Did I try to do too much at one time? Perhaps just 3 days would be a better place for me to start a cleanse.

Did my poor planning make temptations too great? Definately want to be better with this one next time around. I don't want to be cooking yummy meals for others while on a cleanse.

Was I relying too much on my hope of someone or something rushing in to make it easier? YES!

They say any lifestyle change is difficult for a reason. IT IS DIFFICULT! In the end, it is up to me.

I will try again.

Day 3...

The Missionaries are coming for dinner. Do you think they would mind if I only gave them a capsule containing a few drops of essential oils, some powdered drink and Ningxia? Thinking about it makes me want to binge.

Seriously, I was doing fairly good. Should a snack be needed, I have followed the plan with fruits or raw veggies. This morning I even measured my 2 Tbsp. of almonds. However, I did binge just now on oranges. I ate four, but justification came easily to my rescue. "I am so tired and dizzy", I whined to my self that I convinced my resolve that Oranges wouldn't really be breaking the cleanse. I think it isn't too bad while I am making Lasagna for my family and missionaries. Still in hind sight, I am not sure if I have ruined the cleanse or not. The cold symptoms have subsided a bit, but I did succom to a two hour nap yesterday.

Day 2 . . .

Grocery shopping this morning was a visit with torture. Everything looks enticing when it is taboo. I made a mistake of going to an unfamiliar store, so as I hunted through the isles to find the three things on my list the bread section seemed like a most glorious place to be. I picked up many a loaf just to feel it's soft plump state. The walk in refrigerator seemed like heaven with all the possibilities of stir fry for dinner.

It continued... Meat, glorious meat. I just couldn't pass up such beautiful cuts. Cheese, sour cream, and all the other necessary dairy couldn't make it past my cart. My three items turned into 30. I was confident and happy at the check out. I was buying my family wonderful food, and that made me the grocery hero. Right!? Wrong!

As I get home, unload and begin the process of cramming it into the refrigerator, I realize my family won't finish 1/2 of all this food.

Yes, cravings are difficult, but I must admit that I am not hungry at all. The shake is quite filling. Other symptoms include a mild headache, and slight dizziness. I do have the worst cold I've had in over a year, but am not sure if it is from playing in the rain at girls camp or if it is a toxic release. Either way, I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST DAY and have a good start on the second!

5 Day Nutritive Cleanse... Here I go

Today marks a day of determination! For months I have received recommendations from friends, family and health professionals that I should try a cleanse. That is a scary subject for me! I know that the main ingredient of my life will be missing from the cleanse... CHOCOLATE!

Removing chocolate from my diet on an intelligent level shouldn't be such an issue, but emotionally it is a completely different thing. Giving me chocolate or other junk food is the one way my father showed affection to me as a child. I have a completely irrational fear that if I don't eat chocolate that I will not be loved or acceptable in any way. Well now...being that totally honest is frightening, but a little freeing as well. It's about time to finally leave childhood behind and become an adult.

My Goal: Five days to strictly follow the Young Living's Nutritive Cleanse. Using their Digest and Cleanse capsules, Balance Complete shakes and Ningxia Red to replace meals. I will keep snacks to their recommended fruits & nuts. Additionally I will daily read scripts for emotional clearing and affirmations, include a lot of prayer and of course exercise. These five days I will blog as I go.

This is my invitation for you to keep track of how it goes. I appreciate all encouraging comments.